An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man said, “What [...]
1. He always scratches his crotch and says, “Damn!
When is this gonna clear up?”
2. He could use a contact lens as a condom.
3. Taking you out to eat means firing up the grill.
4. Everytime you want to spoon, he wants to fork.
5. He refers to your little brother as a “real cutie.”
1. She carries around Bride magazine and a highlighter.
2. She thinks an anniversary occurs once a month.
3. Her lucky numbers are your pin number.
4. Your friends know her by her porn name.
5. She just can’t stand the taste of “it.”
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.
The bar tender freaks out. “You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I’ll beat the shit out of you…”
The man begins crying. [...]
Two fellows have been at the bar now for quite a while, downing several mugs with abandon. They both look at the far end of the bar, in the direction of an unattractive woman who came in a while back.
The first fellow looks back at the second fellow and says, “Ya know, that woman is [...]
“Warner Bros. Pictures and the producers behind the $4.5-billion film franchise featuring the beloved boy wizard will split the seventh and final novel in the J.K. Rowling series into two films.” - read more
I’ve been a fan of the Harry Potter series, from the books to the movies. And as I was surfing the net [...]
A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.
He says: “OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart”.
She did that and he started on [...]
A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large
amount of whiskey at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.
As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, “I’ve always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his [...]
A guy walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing chap. He chugs back a beer and says, “All the guys on this side of the bar are cocksuckers! Anyone got a problem with that?”
Everyone is understandably silent.
He then, chugs back another beer and says, “All the guys on the other side of the [...]
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
“I can’t do that, officer.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.”
“Okay, we’ll just get a urine sample down at [...]
