Joenel Umal

The Scottish Jew

A Scottish Jew who had worked hard all his life in Scotland, decided that he would like to enjoy life a little, so he went to the exclusive St. Andrews Club. He was told on applying that his application would have to be approved by the Membership Board and that he would have their decision in a couple of days.

Two days later he was told that his application was refused. He went there to find out why.

He was asked, “You’re Jewish, aren’t you?”

“Aye” he answered, “but I’m as Scottish as you are Jock.”

“Well, you understand that we wear nothing under our kilts.”

“Aye, I know that.”

“And being Jewish, you must be circumcised.”

“Aye I am that”

‘Well, the board decided that they could not stand a circumcised man parading around with us.”

“Och, away with ye man,” he cried. “I know I must be a Protestant to march in the Orangeman’s parade, and a Catholic to belong to the Knights of Columbus, but this is the first time I’ve heard that a man had to be a complete prick to be a Scotsman!”