A father was explaining the facts of life to his teenage son. After covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of lovemaking.
Dad: “One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same thing.”

Son: “What do you mean, Dad?”

Father: “Well, their words will vary according to their occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, ‘Are you done yet?’ On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, ‘Are you done already?’”

Son: “What do other women say?”

Father: “Well, a schoolteacher will say, ‘We are going to do this over and over again until you get it right!’ A nurse will say, ‘This won’t hurt one bit.’”

Son: “I thought they said, ‘Pull down your pants and bend over.’”

Father: “That’s a male nurse. But let’s move on, a bank teller will say, ‘Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.’ A stewardess will say, ‘Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.’”

Son: “And what does mother say?”

Father: “She says, ‘Beige… beige… I think we should paint the ceiling beige.’”